More anxiety?

I want to let you guys in on a little secret: I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do with my life. Yes, I am in my third year of university, studying marine biology in Australia, but so what? Do I actually know what I am going to do with my marine biology education when I am done here? No, I don't and that absolutely terrifies me. You all see this trip as me furthering my education, and yea, I guess it is. But at the same time, I don't want to falsely exude that I have my life planned out, because it's far from it. Yes, I love the ocean and yes, I want to live near the beach, but what do I want to pursue as my career? You tell me.

To some this could be seen as an absolute waste of money, and technically it is. Why pay for an education that you're not going to use? But that's the thing, I hope I'll use it and what's more powerful than hope? It's just for right now, to me, the future is terrifying. Being on my own is terrifying. Taxes. Health insurance. Debt. Rent. Responsibility. I can't handle it sometimes. I don't know how to not want to cancel plans right after I make them. I don't know how to start a conversation with someone or maintain a friendship. I am not ambitious, although I try to pretend to be.

I guess the reason that I'm writing this, is because I feel that some people have a false view of who I am. I care about a lot of things, the happiness of others, the safety of the environment and its natural inhabitants, educating people about different diseases, mental and physical. But there is so much more about me that you don't see. You don't see me making up excuses for cancelling plans or not going to job interviews because I'm terrified out of my mind. You don't see me sitting in my room thinking that everything that I've ever wanted will come to me if I just sit and wait. You don't see me crying in the bathroom because I was five minutes late to class and too terrified to walk in late.

I try to be strong, and I often try to create an image of myself that's a little skewed. Sometimes I wonder what everyone would think about me if they got to see my life in a movie. You would stop after five minutes because all I do is sit on the computer on Tumblr or watching YouTube videos that I've already seen 10x. I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing this. There are just some things that I needed to get off of my chest and out of my head. They have been swarming around in there for ages and I've never really had the platform to let them out. This was all written in one go, and I am not going to go back and read it through to proof-read it because I probably will decide not to publish it. But there you go, another look into the mind of an anxiety ridden 20 year old.

Social anxiety summed up in two photos:

Wonder

My brain works more clearly when the air that I breathe isn't being recycled inside these four walls they call a "dorm room."

Where my thoughts are being recycled as well, spinning out of control until they become cliche and superficial. 

This process makes me distressed about the most basic things and forget what is actually critical to my happiness at that moment.

Because of this, most nights I find myself outside, preferably sitting on the ground in isolation.

The finest time is late at night, when the breeze is biting at my bare toes and I'm cuddled in my jumper that smells like home. 

The stars are shining in the sky, an infinite sea of the unknown, and I notice ones that I have never seen before.

If I close my eyes and really listen, I can hear the sound of the waves rolling in, adhering to the power of the moon.

A train whistle, signaling its whereabouts to passers-by.

Cars driving to or from, or both, or neither.

The best part is, that I'll never know. 

I'll never know their stories and they'll never know mine, but that's okay. 

It gives me room for wonder.

Uni in all its Glory

I survived my first week of classes and my first Uni night. I think that deserves a round of applause. True to normal uni fashion, all the classes this week were either reviews of what we've learned previously or just going over the unit guide, so basically a snooze fest. Tuesday night we all sat in the lounge room and watched Frozen, which I will say that Josh Gad as the voice of Olaf is premium entertainment.

Wednesday there was a "Get Connected" carnival in the Cafe where I expertly made a smoothie in a blender powered by a stationary bicycle and got lots of free chocolate. (P.S. if the chocolate is free, the calories don't count). I then went to the beach that afternoon with my friend Jacob and his housemates. It had the vibe of one of those really beachy moments that you'd see in the movies. Jeep style car, surfboards shoved in the sides, a layer of sand covering every surface, chill music playing, it was so "Endless Summer."

Yesterday I didn't do much during the day, just bummed around, and then Uni night snuck up on me and bit me right in the arse. DISCLAIMER: if you don't want to know about my drunkenness, discontinue reading now. I started the night off with a nice box of Goon (a really cheap boxed wine that every uni student here drinks). That was my first mistake. The night started kind of slow, just the usual dancing in the common room at NRAS while the most beautiful sunset was happening...and then we made it out to the bars. Needless to say, some of the night is quite blurry and I'm still trying to work out what actually did happen and what I may have made up in my alcohol hazed mind. And to all of my ISU friends, in typical "Drunk Alix" fashion, I cried, danced, and woke up with various bruises and scrapes of unknown origins. Welcome to Australia?

    







Then today, Stacey, Gabby, and I soothed our alcohol poisoned, hungover bodies with FroCo's, Hungry Jacks, and the beach.

First Day of Class

Although classes commenced yesterday, I did not have my usual Prac that I would normally have on Mondays. So today, Tuesday, I actually got to sit through my first ever Australian lecture, that was also on a subject that I actually care about. The class was aquatic ecology. I also have human impacts on aquatic ecosystems at the same time, but the professor in that class is allowing me to attend the other lecture because she will be recording her's and posting them online. To be honest, the class this morning was pretty boring. We kind of reviewed some facts that are basic and we've all known since freshman year, but it was still exciting none-the-less. And then my day of classes was over, that being the only one that I have on Tuesdays.

That afternoon there were some exciting activities happening on the quad. There was a live band playing, that was actually pretty talented.

There was also a cool bouncy ball ring where you put on a huge blown up ball and run into each other. I was a complete fail at it and kept falling over, so I ended up surrendering to Jake...

Then my most favorite part of the whole thing was the reptile guy. He had so many reptiles that were so adorable. There were some lizards, snakes, and a small crocodile. I got to hold most of them, but he also had some venomous snakes that we weren't able to hold, unfortunately. There was a brown snake, and some other really cool snakes that I didn't get to hear the name of because unfortunately the band was jamming too loudly. I was so excited to hold them, though, it's such a rush and they're actually really sweet creatures who have bad reps. 

 

Disclaimer: I know I look disheveled...not the best hair day, nor the best clothes day, nor the best confidence day...sorry!

Do I Even Take Classes?

For those of you wondering whether or not they teach courses in Uni here or if they just teach you how to drink alcohol, classes start this week. So alas, I am about to start what I actually came here to do. I will be taking four classes; Aquatic Ecology, Marine and Coastal Ecosystems, Human Impacts on Aquatic Ecosystems, and Marine Biodiversity.

There are also labs associated with each of these classes as well. The most exciting part is that we will also be going on field studies, which is something that I've always wanted to do. Going to Iowa State doesn't really give me hands on experience with any marine ecosystems at all, which is one reason that I decided on Australia as my study abroad option.

Wow, this is starting to sound like the essays that I had to write to get into the program. Boring...anywho classes aren't every day like they are back home. I have about one or maybe two classes each day, which is nice. It means that I don't have to stress too much about time management because I'll have plenty.

And that concludes the most boring blog post that I have written so far. You are welcome. Here are some amateur pictures of the sunset here in Aus.

   

Love and Support

As much fun as I am having here, I miss my family so much. I finally ripped off the bandaid and read some of your letters, not all of them because I might need them later. But I am sobbing right now. You guys are the most supportive and loving family that I could ever ask for. Thank you all so much for being there for me through everything and supporting me in everything that I do. We truly are more than a family and have a bond that could never be broken. I love you all so much and can't wait until I get to see you all again!! And Rae, that Koala Bear is amazing!! <3

O-Week

Although it seems like it, I did not come to Australia to just party. Classes don't actually start until March 10, which is when we'll get down to business, but until then...you know... So this week has been Orientation Week with events and things designed to get the students involved and out of their rooms. Basically a week of partying before classes, I told you I wouldn't lie. 

So Monday started off with a barbecue and a "clubfest" out on the quad. I got a ton of free stuff, one of the perks of getting out of your room, eh? I found my soul's calling at the Friends of Merri Marine Sanctuary booth. They work to conserve our oceans and all of its inhabitants. I am hoping to work a lot with them over my stay here because their purpose is what I want to do with my life, and that is to inform people, not just close to the coast, but also people everywhere what they can do to help conserve our oceans. Every little bit helps!

After ransacking their booth and their brains for every bit of information that I could get, I moved on. I signed up for a club called The Finer Things, because the girls at the booth were some pretty cool cats :) It's basically a movie/book club which are two things that I tend to enjoy on my free time. I also signed up for the dive club, even though I am not a certified diver, nor have I purchased my wetsuit yet, but hey, when in Rome? I signed up to donate blood with the Red Cross while I'm here, I know that Grandma Donna would be proud! And lastly, I joined the Environment and Sustainability club, which promotes a greener way of life and smarter ways to go about your day without harming the environment.

Then that night we had a Beach Party, which contrary to the title, was not actually on the beach. I know, bummer right? It was actually a beach themed party held at a pub called The Flying Horse. Although it wasn't actually on the beach, it was still insanely fun. It started off with something I had never experienced before, a silent disco. Basically what it was, was that there were three different DJs playing their music and everyone got headphones. You could tune in to whichever DJ that you wanted to listen to. It sounds pretty cool, but it has its pros and cons. It was nice to be able to pick my music, but you could only communicate with your friends by making wild gestures and the dancing was basically a free for all. But at eleven, the headphones were removed and the party really got started. Haha but forreal, it was a night of fist pumping, free photo booth taking, and friend making. (Wow, I'm such a poet...)

One would assume that the next morning everyone would be dead to the world, but you'd be wrong. Free pizza on the quad along with a drum circle conducted by three friendly guys from Ghana made the morning a lot less harsh.

That afternoon, I took a trip to the ocean with some friends and we jumped from the wall into the water. It was freezing but so worth it.

After that, there was another barbecue going on and us Americans got a kick out of teaching the Australians how to throw a football. Then that night they had an outdoor theater on the quad, complete with free popcorn, fairy floss (cotton candy), and Space Jam. I won't say that I almost fell asleep, but I won't say that I didn't either...

On Wednesday, I didn't partake in much of the activities. There was an Amazing Race at the beginning of the day and then a Mystery Bus Tour that night, which was basically a pub hopping party bus. I did end up watching Beauty and the Beast and Hercules with the best housemates you could ever ask for. Then after that, I may have made my way to a bar in town...oops.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that I was basically asleep all day yesterday. I woke up at 11:45, which, if you know me, sleeping late isn't really my forte. I then decided it would be a good idea to get out of bed...only to fall back asleep again from 4 until 6... I mean I had to rejuvenate to be ready for the toga party last night right? And I'm sure this is surprising to some, but it was my first ever toga party in college...crazy right? Isn't that like the right of passage into university? A toga party? Well, I guess I can check that off my bucket list then huh?